By Professor Daylover
My whole life I’ve held opinions I always thought were true, but I’ve gone back and forth so many times I wonder, what is true? And this wondering goes for everything, even God, or, especially God. As a teenager I feared the very idea of some paternal figure hoisted upon a cloud, ready to roll me in the dust for breaking the rules. So I became headstrong. I questioned what I was taught, questioned everything, and sat upon a fence post, saying “I don’t think God exists, man, but wouldn’t rule it out, man.” In my late twenties I came down, pulled by the Tao, the ancient energy of yin and yang, an impersonal greatness, the life force always moving like a river, watching over our very human dramas unfolding naturally as science. I could call God the Way, or the Universe, or Spirit, and think of them as a pinball wizard setting up this game where I watched myself become the pinball, starting at rest. Suddenly I was ejected and shot around the bend and crashed into bells, bumpers, and shock absorbers of perspective. I earned points. I rose. I fell. I was flicked back up a few times only to sink and start over and be fired back into the game once more. I could watch myself like the ball and find peace, anticipating the rise and fall, simply observe. After a while, though, I wondered, how do I rise above the rise and fall? How do I transcend the game? A vision of Christ appeared at that point. He was slightly above me and extending a single hand, almost smiling as if to say, Come on bro, I got you. “Love the game,” he said, “even the pain because I am always here. I am forgiveness and grace and love rolled into an eternal invitation of freedom. Detach from blame, not communion with others,” he said, “for you are not the ball but the space around the ball, always discovering and letting go of what it means to rise and fall while the ball hangs out in harmonic balance. The bells and bumpers are real but not what’s true, just like your opinions. The balance isn’t true so much as the space co-creating it, waiting for the cosmos to refine it. So be careful saying you know what God is, what faith is, what I am, and give yourself a little space to say, no comment. Fall in love with an everlasting patience that the ball will achieve its purpose, always at rest and yet always new with glorious surprise.
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